


Left Behind

by JCapasso



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso
Summary: On a routine hunt in a small town, the Winchesters run across a familiar bakery owner, only to have their entire worlds turned upside down.Set about six years after the show ends and assumes that Amara helped to lock Chuck in her old prison and took over heaven in his place, trying to fix everything that he messed up.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 29
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

Sam and Dean weren’t hunting much anymore. Things had been calm for the last few years. Ever since the insane God had been locked away and Amara had taken over heaven and started rebuilding. Hell had been resealed by Rowena, so all there was left was your every day garden variety monsters, and ever since Cas had gotten his mojo and his wings back, thanks to Amara, that was a little too easy. They still did it though since lives were saved either way. Even if they were bored. Cas was off doing something for Amara and it was boredom that led them to this sleepy little town where there had been three people’s hearts ripped out of their chests in the nearby woods recently. 

They checked into the little motel just before midnight and crashed. They would start investigating tomorrow. Their first stop the next morning was the nearby bakery. Two of the victims worked there and the third lived around the corner from it. They walked in the door, flashed their badges and started asking questions of the girl at the counter, not caring that a line was building up behind them. They were trying to save lives. These people could wait. The girl did stick her head in the back and ask for some help up front before leading them away from the line after a few minutes, which led to a man coming out from the back, wiping his hands on a towel. “Is everything okay…” He trailed off when he saw Sam and Dean standing there and they froze when they noticed him too. 

Sam was the first one to speak and he just breathed out, “Gabriel…” 

Gabriel shook his head and brought himself back to the present and walked over. “You take care of the counter doll. I’ll handle this.” 

“Gabriel? This is all you? How are you even still alive?” 

“You think he’s the one dropping bodies?” Sam asked Dean incredulously. 

Gabriel cleared his throat and motioned around to the public place. “Maybe we should take this conversation upstairs?” When they nodded, he led them behind the counter and up the stairs leading to his office, not wanting to take them into his apartment next to it. 

Dean wasted no time once the door was closed before he laid into Gabriel. “What the hell Gabriel? What is going on?” 

“Of all the damn hunters to show up over this mess it had to be you two?” Gabriel grumbled. “Look, I know there’s a werewolf around here. A pureblood given the timings of the attacks, but I don’t know who it is. I know it’s not me or any of my employees simply because we use a lot of silver around here and no one has had any reaction. I can’t rule out customers, and I know this place is rather central to the attacks, so you’re welcome to investigate all you want here, as long as you don’t disrupt my business. You get your werewolf and then stay out of my life. Got it?” 

“Gabriel…what…I mean…how…we saw you die,” Sam finally managed to form words. 

“Which time? How many times have you yahoos seen me die now? You should have known better and instead you just abandoned me there in that hellhole of a world, injured and almost graceless.” 

“We didn’t know…” Sam protested with a wince. 

“You didn’t want to know,” Gabriel snapped. “I served my purpose, so you didn’t need me anymore.”

“It’s not like that,” Dean jumped in. 

“It’s exactly like that,” Gabriel said heatedly. “Do you know how long I waited there for the portal to open again. How long I waited for rescue? Months. I was under near constant attack by Michael’s goons, demons, and monsters alike. Once Michael and Lucifer went through I figured you’d get some grace from one of them and come back for me, but like an idiot, I let our recent camaraderie blind me to the most important lesson I’ve ever learned in my long life. People only care about you as far as they can use you and you can only ever count on yourself.”

Sam could feel the tears stinging his eyes, as he realized that Gabriel was right. They should have known. “How did you…get back?” he asked. 

“Well after a few months, I realized that you weren’t coming back for me and I was on my own so I set off to start gathering the ingredients to open a rift of my own, and let me tell you, in that hellhole it was almost impossible to find a lot of them. Took me almost two years. Then I used the last of my mutilated grace to open the door where I stood and fell through in the woods next to this town. I was in bad shape, but somehow made it to the edge of town, spent two months in the hospital and wiped out most of my savings paying the hospital bills and getting an identity that could stand up to all the scrutiny that could be thrown at it. Used what was left to buy this place and managed to build something of a life here and I’ll be damned if I let you two ruin it again. I’m human now and I’m of no use to you, so just leave me alone,” Gabriel finished his rant and opened the door behind them in a clear order to leave.

“Gabriel, please. Can we just talk…” Sam reached out to grab his arm. 

“Let. Me. Go,” Gabriel hissed, jerking his arm away. “I want nothing to do with either of you, and don’t think that just because I’m human now, I can’t kick your asses. I was an archangel for millennia remember.” 

Dean grabbed Sam’s arm. “Come on Sammy. We got work to do,” he said as his other hand handed a card to Gabriel. “Call us if you think of anything that can help us find the werewolf.” 

Gabriel nodded curtly as Dean led Sam out the door and as soon as he heard them reach the bottom of the stairs, he closed the door and collapsed into his office chair and put his head in his hands and groaned. Why him? Why now? Hadn’t they already destroyed him enough? He took a few minutes to get his head together, but that’s all he could spare at the moment. This was one of their busy days and he didn’t have the luxury to sit around doing nothing anymore. He had to make money to survive. 

When he got back downstairs, he saw them bothering Briana again, so he waved her off and took over the front counter, cheerful smile back on his face as he served his customers. As long as it kept them away from him, they could question as many people as they wanted. He pretended not to notice the sad look Sam sent back at him when they left about half an hour later, and he happily escaped back into the back to continue his baking. It was the best thing he could do right now. Baking had always had a habit of calming him and helping him to clear his mind. He finished out the day in a daze and closed up with practiced habit, collecting all the cash from the day’s receipts and heading out to the bank, only to walk out the door and run smack into the last person he wanted to see. “Sam,” Gabriel said tightly with a nod as he brushed by, headed down the street. 

“Gabriel. You really shouldn’t be walking around by yourself after dark. Especially not with that,” Sam gestured at the money bag peeking out of his coat.

“Don’t act like you care,” Gabriel snapped, walking faster, but Sam just walked faster to keep up with him. 

“I do care, Gabriel. I know it may not have seemed like it from your point of view…”

Gabriel spun around to look at the hunter like he was an idiot. “From my point of view? Let me tell you a little bit about my point of view. I did everything possible to help you, from the moment we met. I tried to get Dean to be friends so he could call me instead of a demon. I tried to get you used to his death so you wouldn’t go after demon blood. Both times you tried to kill me. Then you find out what I was and trap me in holy fire and berate me about not helping you, despite how much I tried. Then I go and face my brother for you, and despite how many times I’d faked my death you don’t even both to try and find out if I survived and as a result I lived almost a thousand years in hell being tortured and mutilated every day. Then, the second I get out you bully me into throwing myself on another of your causes, only to get left behind in another kind of hell and having to claw my way out, now you come back into my life and think I owe you something? What the fuck have you ever done for me? Just stay away from me, Sam, and let me live out the rest of this insignificant human life in peace.”

Sam swallowed heavily around the lump in his throat and nodded. “Okay. Just…let me walk you to the bank and back until we catch the werewolf? Please?” 

Gabriel spun back around and growled out, “Fine,” as he started walking, leaving Sam to catch up. He refused to admit that it was probably smart. The rest of the trip was spent in silence though, Gabriel having said everything he had to say and Sam not knowing where to start.


	2. Chapter 2

It didn’t take them long to find and dispose of the werewolf, and Sam couldn’t keep himself from swinging by the bakery to say goodbye to Gabriel. He stopped at the counter and asked the girl if he was in, so she called him out. Gabriel stepped into the corner away from the customers and said, rather harshly, “What?” 

“I just wanted to let you know we got the werewolf and we’ll be leaving town first thing in the morning.” 

“Did you want a cookie?” Gabriel asked sarcastically. 

“No. I just…if you ever need help. With anything. Even just another monster roaming the area, you have our numbers. I know it doesn’t mean anything anymore, but I am sorry, Gabriel. I really didn’t know.” 

Gabriel sighed. “And that’s the problem, Sam. If I mattered one bit to either of you, you would have moved heaven and earth to make sure. Just like you did with everyone else that mattered. Goodbye Sam,” Gabriel said with a note of finality as he turned and walked away. 

Sam wanted to tell him about the hell that happened after that. How they all fell apart. He wanted to tell Gabriel about Dean and Michael and Lucifer and how even with all of that, the most frequent star of Sam’s nightmares was Gabriel. Seeing him die nearly killed Sam, and when everything happened with Dean and Michael, all he could do was try and savage the last thing in his life that mattered, and he couldn’t even bear to think about Gabriel because every time he did he saw him dead, but in the end, there was no one to say it to. Gabriel didn’t want to hear it. Sam was left with no choice but to turn and walk away. 

He spent the entire trip home and the next few days after considering his options. Considering what he could possibly do to make up for at least a little bit of the pain he caused the one person he’d ever truly loved, and there was only one thing he could think of. He didn’t dare ask his brother or Cas for help. They would just try to talk him out of it. He waited until Cas got back from whatever secret mission he had been on and whisked Dean away for the weekend before he sent up a prayer to the one person who could possibly help. 

“What do you need, Samuel. I am very busy,” she said as she appeared in the room. 

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I need to ask you for a very important favor.” 

“Well? Ask? I don’t have all day,” she said impatiently. 

“I need archangel grace,” he said quickly. 

“Whatever for?” She asked. “You can’t possibly be planning more excursions to other realities.”

He shook his head. “No. Nothing like that.” 

“Then what? What else could it possibly be used for?” 

“Well…the thing is…there’s an archangel I know…former archangel really…and he kinda…lost his grace because of something I did and I just…I need to make it up to him,” Sam told her. 

“Well by all means, I would love to have another archangel in the picture. Michael is a great deal of help, but there is still so much to do and so much to fix. Take me to him and I will happily bring him back home.”

Sam shook his head, hoping he wasn’t about to be smote. “Well…he kinda…doesn’t want to go back. He’s got a life here and wants nothing to do with heaven anymore since he left millennia ago, but without his grace, he’s stuck as a human right now…” 

“Well then he can make a deal with me to get it back if he wants it so badly. I can be flexible, as your brother and Castiel can attest to,” she told him. 

“Well, he hasn’t actually said he wants it back. I don’t think he cares. I just…need to make it up to him, and this is the only thing I can think of that might help,” Sam tried to explain. 

Amara sighed. It looks like she wasn’t going to get another archangel to help and she was apparently stuck dealing with Sam if she wanted anything. “Creating grace for an archangel is very tiring and very time-consuming. I wouldn’t possibly have time. Unless…”

“What is it? I’ll do anything,” Sam told her. Anything he could do to make this right he would do it. 

“You know I have been trying to get your brother to accept becoming an angel, which would bring Castiel back full time as well. If I had two new angels to help pick up the slack, I could possibly spare the time and effort.” 

Sam took a deep breath and considered her words carefully. “If I make this happen, I want a guarantee. You will absolutely give me the grace if I get them back to heaven full time.” 

Amara smiled. “Agreed. When your brother is an angel and they are both under contract, I will create the grace and deliver it to you here.” 

Sam nodded. “Thank you.” She disappeared no sooner than the words were out of his mouth. Now he had to figure out how to make this happen. He knew that Dean would never leave him behind if he had a choice, any more than Cas would leave Dean, but if Dean thought that Sam didn’t need him anymore. Didn’t want him around anymore…then maybe. He would have to figure out a big enough fight for them to split for good. He would miss his brother desperately, but Dean would be happy. He wouldn’t have to split his time with Cas anymore. The two of them could be together without the constant push and pull between earth and heaven and Sam could at least make a start on making things up to Gabriel. It was the best solution, but it would take time. 

When Dean and Cas got back from their weekend away, Sam put his plan into action and started sniping at Dean over every little thing, blowing it up into a fight as often as he could manage. It ended up taking almost six months before the final showdown though. Things had been getting more and more tense between them until they had a major disagreement over a hunt and even ended up pulling guns on each other, not that either of them were far enough gone to actually shoot. Sam knew that this was his chance. 

He waited until they got back to the bunker and said, “Dean we need to talk.” 

“Yeah we do,” Dean said irritably. 

“We can’t keep going on like this,” Sam told him. “I think it’s time we cut the cord.”

“What are you saying?” Dean asked worriedly. 

“I’m saying, I’m a grown man now. I don’t need a babysitter, and you need to have some privacy and live your own life,” Sam told him. 

“But who’s gonna watch your back out there? Hunting alone is never a good idea, you know that.” 

“I want out. I’ll run the hotline, and the men of letters, but I’m done hunting. I just can’t do this anymore.”

“Well then what am I supposed to do?” Dean asked incredulously. 

“Go be with your angel. Him constantly going back and forth to heaven isn’t good for either of you. Go be an angel with him. I’ll be fine here.” 

“Who says I even want to join the douche patrol?” Dean asked distastefully. 

“You know they aren’t like that anymore, and you know you want to. You can’t hide it from me.”

“Why on earth would I want that badly to be an angel?” 

“You don’t. Not exactly. But you want to be with Cas more than a few weeks a month, and this is the only way that can happen. I think you could do a lot of good up there, And I know that Adam could use some family around with him riding around with Michael all the time. You should go,” Sam was pushing hard. 

“Why does it matter to you so much?” Dean asked suspiciously. 

Sam knew that this was the moment. This was when he had to go all in and he threw up his hands. “Maybe I would like to actually see what life is like without a brother up my ass every moment? I would like the chance to live alone. To be able to do what I want and go where I want without being expected to answer to someone. For christ’s sake Dean. It’s time to cut the cord already.” 

Dean looked like someone had slapped him. “Yeah. Okay. I get it, Sammy. I’ll get out of your life. Just…call me if you change your mind. I mean, I doubt my phone will work up there and all, but you can pray okay? To me or to Cas. And if you get in trouble…”

Sam knew that if he showed any sign of affection here, he would lose this battle so he forced himself to be hard-assed about it. “Yeah okay fine, Dean. I get it. Just go already.” 

Dean nodded tersely and walked out of the room and Sam locked the door behind him and crumpled to the ground in tears. He had to let him go though. Aside from a few years while Sam was in college, Dean had been by his side his entire life. It was time for Dean to have his own life and his own happiness. This was for the best. Once he had put himself together and left the library, he went by Dean’s room to find it empty. Of both his brother and all of his brother’s belongings.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam stood in Dean’s empty room for a few minutes, taking in the fact that he would never see his brother or brother in law again, before he shook himself out of it and moved on. He would see Amara soon, she would give him the grace, he would take it to Gabriel, and hopefully they would be able to talk. 

It ended up being three days before Amara showed up next to Sam with a large jar of swirling blue that Sam knew was grace. “Thank you,” Sam said as he took it gingerly. 

“No, thank you,” she said as she disappeared.

Sam grabbed his go bag and hightailed it back to the same small town they were in before and pulled up at the bakery a day and a half later in the midafternoon. Hopefully Gabriel would have time to talk between the lunch rush and the dinner rush, but if not, he could wait. He stepped in nervously, and asked the girl up front for Gabriel again and when he came out of the back, wiping his hands on his apron with flour sprinkled over his face, it took all the willpower Sam had not to laugh. The glare that he was immediately met with from the archangel helped with that too as Gabriel walked over. “What now?” 

“Can we talk? Privately?” Sam asked hopefully. 

“I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with you,” Gabriel said irritated. 

“I know. But I have something for you,” Sam let the bottom of the container of grace show outside his jacket so Gabriel could see it. 

Gabriel’s eyes widened and he grabbed Sam’s sleeve and all but dragged him upstairs, going to the office again of course. He still wanted to keep the hunter away from his apartment. Once they were in the office with the door closed, Gabriel spun on him. “Is that what I think it is?” 

Sam pulled the jar out and set it on the desk. “Intact and healthy archangel grace.” 

“Why…how…” Gabriel asked at a loss for words. 

“Because you’re right. We should have checked. We should have at least figured there was a change and come back for you. If we’d had any time to think after that we would have, but all hell broke loose right after, not that it’s any excuse. It’s not. But it wasn’t because you didn’t matter or because you served your purpose. I got this for you because you deserve it. Because I need to at least try to make up for the unforgivable, at least a little bit. I don’t know if you want it back or not. You seem pretty content with your life here, but at least you have it now, so if you ever do decide you want it back it’s an option.”

Gabriel blinked at the hunter, completely dumbfounded. “Okay…but…how?” 

Sam shrugged. “I made a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Gabriel narrowed his eyes. If Sam sold his soul or something stupid like that, so help him he was gonna take it out of his hide. 

Sam sighed and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. It was the least I could do for you.”

Gabriel walked over and grabbed Sam by the shoulders. “Sam. What. Kind. Of. Deal?” He asked again harshly. “If you think for one second I would accept something that was bought with your soul or your life or…”

“No, no, no. Nothing like that,” Sam cut him off. “I just had to…get Dean to become an angel, Cas to return to heaven, and never see either of them again. That’s all.” 

“Huh?” Gabriel asked completely confused. 

Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Right. You probably don’t know anything that happened after we got back from apocalypse world.” He paused trying to decide where to start, before he realized that all Gabriel really needed to know was the stuff leading up to the state of heaven. “Well long story short, the better Amara got the worse Chuck got and he kinda went nuts and tried to destroy the world, so he got locked up in Amara’s old cage and she took over heaven and is trying to fix everything. She’s been making new angels and giving the few old ones back their wings, but there’s just so much to do and not enough people suitable to become angels. Cas wouldn’t leave Dean behind to go back full time and Dean wouldn’t leave me behind to be an angel with Cas, so my job was to get them back to heaven full time so she could have a little time freed up to create your grace.”

“So she’ll be expecting me back to heaven then?” Gabriel said disgustedly. 

Sam shook his head. “No, not at all. She would have asked for nothing from me in that case. I told her you didn’t want to go back, and I didn’t even know if you wanted your grace back so she made the deal with me instead. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Gabriel sighed and sat down on the edge of his desk. That was a good thing at least. “And how is she doing in heaven?”

“According to Cas things are going well. The angels are less stick up the ass than they were, and she is making progress trying to fix everything that went wrong, both up there and on earth. Hell is sealed back up tight, well as tight as it gets anyway, so yeah…” Sam trailed off, not sure exactly what Gabriel wanted to know. 

Gabriel took a moment to take in everything he was learning. “So basically, your brother and Cassie are off doing their own thing and not around anymore so you want to make sure someone has some mojo to bail you out when you get in over your head?” He was grasping at straws trying to make sense of this based on what he knew because it wasn’t making sense otherwise. 

Sam shook his head sadly. “No, Gabriel. That is yours to do with what you will and I’ll never bother you again if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t,” Gabriel said quickly. 

Sam nodded. “Okay. I’ll go now. Just…know that my offer still stands. You need anything, even just someone to talk to, you know where to find me.” 

Gabriel was staring at the jar of grace and didn’t even notice Sam leaving or the distinct sound of the Impala driving away. He was still trying to wrap his head around that fact that Sam gave up his brother to give Gabriel his life back and expected nothing in return. It didn’t make up for everything he did. Not by a long shot. But it helped. 

Gabriel didn’t move from his office until one of the employees came to tell him it was closing time, and he shook his head to clear it and went down and closed up the bakery as he had every night for the last five years. Only when he got back from the bank did he consider the matter more fully. He would be a shining beacon to all of heaven after he took it in. It would have to settle for at least a day before he would be able to hide it again. Could he really take the chance that they wouldn’t drag him back. Was living and dying as a human better?

In the end there was only one choice he could make. Sam had sacrificed so much to get this for him. To not take it would mean closing that door forever, and he wasn’t quite angry enough for that. Worst case scenario they could drag him back for a while, but he would manage to disappear again soon. He wanted to get his affairs in order here first though. 

The next morning he called a lawyer who he knew would help him to sell the business and building. It took about two weeks before it sold and he had cash in hand, or well, in bank anyway. He walked out of there cradling the jar of grace in his jacket and found a secluded spot in the woods and took a deep breath and opened the jar, taking the grace into himself and he almost cried. It had been so long since he’d felt so complete. Not since he was first sold to Asmodeus had his grace been intact. 

He hadn’t even come down from his high yet when he sensed her. He opened his eyes to find his dear old aunt standing right in front of him. “Gabriel,” she said with a smile. “So you’re Samuel’s archangel friend.”

Gabriel sighed. He knew this was coming. “I assume you’ve come to drag me back to heaven,” he said in defeat. 

“I won’t deny that having you there would be an immense help, but I don’t make a habit of forcing anyone to serve me. Sam told me that you wouldn’t want to come back, but I wanted to give you that choice yourself.”

“And if I choose not to?” Gabriel asked. 

“Then I will leave you in peace and assure you that if you change your mind you are always welcome,” she told him. 

“I don’t want to come back.” 

She nodded. “I understand. I will leave you now.”

“Wait…” Gabriel said. “I do have a question if you have a minute.”

“For you, Gabriel, I will make a minute,” she chuckled. 

“Why did you need Sam to get Dean to go? Wasn’t that like forcing him?” 

“Dean wanted to be with his bonded, but he also wanted to be with his brother. He was unable to make a choice, and I had no leverage to force a choice on him until Sam needed something from me.”

“If Sam could have become an angel too all of that could have been avoided,” Gabriel nodded in understanding. 

“Correct. But even I cannot cleanse enough of the taint of demon blood on his soul to make him an angel.” 

“I know. Thanks Auntie,” he said with a smile before flying away, grateful that he wasn’t going to dragged back and elated that he could fly again.


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel spent the next few months flying all over the world, materializing everything he ever wanted, playing tricks on a few deserving souls, living it up on his private island, and mostly just enjoying being back. It was only about six months after he got his grace back before his thoughts turned to Sam again and he wondered how the hunter was doing. True to his word he hadn’t called Gabriel for anything, so he was willing to extend a little effort to checking up on him. 

Gabriel arrived invisibly in the bunker and went looking for Sam and frowned. It was the middle of the night and he was puttering around. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping or eating well. He wasn’t unhealthy exactly, but he didn’t seem like he was doing very well either. Gabriel stuck around until Sam ended up passing out on the couch and used the opportunity to delve into the hunter’s mind to get a little more insight. 

Gabriel was surprised to find, that while Sam missed his brother, that was manageable. What really haunted Sam was him. He saw the nightmares of his death. All of his ‘deaths’ really and the nightmares of their last encounters and was amazed at how much that ate at him. He didn’t realize why until he opened himself up to Sam’s feelings and his eyes went wide. Sam was in love with him? Seriously? Since when? He dug deeper and further back and was amazed to find that he had loved him since their first encounter. 

Gabriel pulled out of Sam’s mind and flew back to his island to think things over. If anything, Sam loving him made it all worse. He had used him and abandoned him, while still loving him? What did that say about any future they might have together? But still…he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel the same way. There was no way he was ready for forgive and forget. Not yet. But maybe…maybe he would give Sam a chance. A chance to prove Gabriel mattered to him. To prove that Gabriel was worth fighting for. He’d already proven himself a dozen times. This would be Sam’s last and only chance. 

He gave it a few days to cement his decision and try to poke holes in it before he went to Sam while he was reading in the library. “Sup Samsquatch. You look like shit.” 

Sam’s head snapped up so fast Gabriel was surprised it didn’t fly off. “Gabriel!?” Gabriel’s heart felt like it was going to explode at the pure joy he could see in Sam’s eyes as soon as he noticed him, before that joy was replaced with concern. “Is everything okay?” 

Gabriel plopped down in the chair and put his feet up on the table. “S’all good kiddo. Just thought I’d check in and see how you are…” he left the end hanging in question. 

Sam shrugged. “I’m doing okay. One day at a time, you know,” he finished with a wry smile. 

Gabriel grinned. “You know, life would be a lot more fun if you had some company in this stuffy old bunker if you know what I mean,” he waggled his eyebrows. 

Sam snorted and winced at the same time and said in a haunted voice, “The only person I would want that kind of company from wants nothing to do with me.” 

“And you’re just going to accept it? Are they not even worth fighting for then? You just never learn, do you,” Gabriel chuckled and flew away. He’d given the clueless hunter a hint. It was up to him to take it from there. 

Sam was left looking gob-smacked at the chair that the restored archangel just vacated. What the hell had that been about? Was Gabriel trying to tell him something? He had said that Sam never learned. How many times had Sam walked away from Gabriel now? Did Gabriel really want him to fight for him? Or did he think Sam was talking about someone else? It didn’t really matter. Gabriel apparently thought the best thing to do in this situation was fight for it, and since Gabriel was the one he would be fighting for, his opinion was the one that mattered really. By the time he pulled himself out of that circular logic, he realized how exhausted he was. It really had been too long since he had a decent night’s sleep. He got up and dragged himself to bed with something new to give him good dreams. Hope. 

When Sam woke up the next morning he smiled. That was the best night’s sleep he’d had in about a year. Since the first time they ran across Gabriel on that werewolf hunt, and there was no question as to why. He headed to the kitchen, glad that the good night’s sleep seemed to have restored his appetite as well and as he stood at the stove whipping up some eggs and veggie bacon, he sent up a prayer to Gabriel. “Hey Gabriel, wanna swing by for breakfast? I have plenty.” By the time he sat down to eat, he realized that Gabriel was coming, but that was okay. He didn’t expect it to be that easy. Gabriel had said to fight and by god that’s what he was going to do. 

Gabriel had been getting more and more worried that Sam didn’t get it or didn’t care enough as the night went on, but when he heard the prayer invitation the next morning, he smiled. Sam got it, and he intended to fight. He couldn’t go running the second he called though, or none of this would mean anything. Gabriel needed to know that Sam would keep fighting even when it got tough. He needed to know that Sam wasn’t going to walk away again. He couldn’t take another betrayal by the hunter. It would surely destroy him. 

Gabriel was lounging on the beach that afternoon when another prayer came in. “Hey Gabriel. Not sure what you’re up to, but it’s been a pretty interesting day here. Not sure if you’re up to date on my life, but I don’t really hunt anymore. I mostly just run the hotline now, tell the newbies what they’re after how to kill it, send people where they’re needed and so on. Some of these kids are so green it’s hilarious to me. They’re even worse than two young hunters who were so flummoxed at encountering a trickster that they fell apart,” Gabriel heard Sam laugh with that part and he laughed along with him. 

“Not sure if you knew when you told me to fight that it was you I would be fighting for, but I’m sure you figured it out by now, so I’m not afraid to tell you that that’s when I fell in love with you. When you were just a cute funny janitor, so full of life and personality that you could fill up a room no matter how tiny you were,” Sam continued the prayer. 

“I’m not tiny. You’re just a giant,” Gabriel grumbled to no one, but still had an amused smile on his face.

“Then I found out that you were what we were hunting and I hated myself for falling for you. I thought you were a monster. That everything you were was just a trick, but I was wrong Gabriel. That was a part of you, but you are so much more than that too. I know I’ve hurt you, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that. That’s my greatest regret you know. I regret that more than letting Lucifer out, even. I know it doesn’t make it okay, but that day has replayed a thousand times in my nightmares. The moment you fell to Michael, it felt like I died too. I’m not sure if you were watching, but after I shoved Dean through the rift, I almost stayed behind. I knew they would kill me if I did, but I didn’t care. I would have died with you happily. The only reason I ended up going in the end was because if I didn’t, then Lucifer and Michael would have won. They killed you and I wasn’t going to let them win. Not for anything. I should have come back. I know I should have, but I was so broken, Gabe. I honestly thought you had died this time. Your grace had been so injured, I didn’t think there was any way you could have survived, and that broke me. If you will give me another chance, I will never leave you again. I will stand by your side, come what may. I know you’re not ready to give me another chance yet, and that’s okay, because I’m not giving up. Now that I know there’s something to fight for, I will fight until my last breath. I love you Gabe. Always.” 

Gabriel felt the prayer cut off, and wiped the tears from his face. He wanted to believe Sam. He wanted that more than anything, but he couldn’t. Not yet.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam woke up the next morning feeling a little wrung out after his emotion dump on Gabriel last night. He hadn’t intended to go that far that fast, but it just came out. He made breakfast on autopilot and sent Gabriel another invitation that he knew the archangel wouldn’t take before sitting down to eat as he tried to formulate the day’s plan. He was about halfway through breakfast when a grin broke out on his face. He knew what he was going to do, and it was perfect. It remained to be seen if he could pull it off of course, but he would manage. 

Once he finished breakfast he did a quick cleanup and grabbed his most used reference books to bring them into the kitchen. It wouldn’t do to have to go running off during a crucial process if it could be helped. That done he set to baking. His first attempt went into the trash, and he had the first stirrings of doubt. Gabriel was a professional baker. Like he would be impressed by Sam’s pitiful attempts. In the end though, Sam was too stubborn to relent. If nothing else he was going to prove to himself that he could do this whether Gabriel liked it or not. 

It took him three more tries to get the perfect cake. The last one probably would have been perfect, but he had a call from a hunter that needed help and ended up burning it when he had to run to the library to look up something obscure, but he finally managed. Then it was a matter of frosting it. He wasn’t even going to bother trying for any fancy designs or anything, and he was totally using canned frosting, but there was only so much an amateur could do. Once he was done he sent up a prayer to Gabriel that he had been planning the wording in his head all day. “Hey Gabriel. So I decided to try my hand at some baking and made this pretty good triple chocolate fudge swirl cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, and then I remembered that I don’t eat sweets, so you’re welcome to it before I throw it away.”

Gabriel perked up at Sam’s prayer. How did the hunter know his favorite cake or was it just a good guess? He peeked in and saw the cake sitting on the table, but he wasn’t going to give Sam the satisfaction of letting him see him get it. It didn’t take long before Sam left the room though and Gabriel immediately appeared, grabbed the cake, licked off the beaters and the bowl and left. 

Sam returned to the room an hour later to clean up and couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. The cake platter was empty save for a note ‘That’s just playing dirty Sam-a-lam’ with a smiley face under it. When he took it to the sink and noticed that the beaters and bowl had been licked off his chuckle turned into a full blown laugh as he took to washing everything. He couldn’t resist one more quick prayer in response to the note though. “Gabriel, that’s not playing dirty. I haven’t even started playing dirty yet,” he sent with amusement. 

Gabriel grinned around the last bite of the cake as he was sitting on the beach. Now this should be interesting. It was a few hours later before he realized what Sam meant as he got a new prayer, but this one was images instead of words. Gabriel saw himself sitting in a library as Sam kneeled between his knees, kissing him deeply as he slowly undid Gabriel’s belt. “Oh fuck, Sam. Now this is definitely playing dirty,” he said to no one as his cock rapidly hardened. Once the vision Gabriel’s pants were undone Sam slid them down and trailed his tongue around the tip of Gabriel’s hard length, looking the archangel in the eyes before swallowing him down and the real Gabriel took his own cock out and started stroking, closing his eyes so that the real world wouldn’t intrude on the vision he was getting. 

When Sam in the vision started stroking his own cock as he sucked Gabriel harder and faster, he could feel himself getting close, but held himself back. He wanted to cum when his vision self did. Sam kept it up for a good hour though, fondling Gabriel’s balls, pinching his nipples and everything else as he made a nice long show of the whole thing and Gabriel was having trouble holding back when he saw his vision self getting close and exploded over his hand with a guttural moan at the same time as the Gabriel and Sam in the vision did. 

Sam, breathing heavily, ended the prayer as he reached for the tissues to clean himself up, and only when he was together, did he reopen the prayer channel. “Hey Gabriel. Now we’re playing dirty. You should know, I haven’t cum that hard in a long time. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.”

“Fuck kid. You have no idea,” Gabriel breathed out as he opened his eyes again and looked out over the beach. 

“I hope you enjoyed the cake too. I’m no professional baker or anything, but I tried to do it justice for you,” Gabriel heard Sam continue. The cake hadn’t been bad. It hadn’t been amazing or anything, but like Sam said, he wasn’t a professional. It was good, if he was completely candid, but the fact that Sam had made it for him pushed it up to great. “It took me a few attempts. One of the attempts got burned simply because of bad timing on a call. Some hunter found a rugaroo and it’s been so long since I’ve dealt with one and I had to run and look something up and by the time I made it back it got burned. That’s life though. It tends to intrude at the worst times. I didn’t give up though, just like I’m never gonna give up on you.” 

“Please don’t,” Gabriel whispered into the night. 

“When I think about what you must have gone through…how you must have felt…waiting for a rescue that never came…it’s like a knife to my gut. It tears it me apart. I can’t even imagine how much that hurt and knowing that I was the cause of that hurt…that I caused so much pain to the person that means more to me than anything in existence…god, Gabriel, I’m just so sorry. There aren’t even words to express the depth of my regret. I know I can never even come close to making up for it, but I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life trying. I just…I love you, Gabriel. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sammy,” Gabriel said with a sigh, knowing that Sam couldn’t hear him. This wasn’t working. This keeping his distance wasn’t keeping him from falling. Just the opposite. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up, but he knew that until he could truly trust Sam, anything they started would be doomed to failure. It was a no-win situation. He had to figure something out. Find some way to end this stalemate before it killed them both.


	6. Chapter 6

Gabriel started getting worried the next day when he didn’t hear from Sam in the morning, or at all over the course of the day. It was almost midnight before a prayer finally came through. “Hey Gabriel. Sorry I’ve been kinda MIA today. It’s been a rough day. Got woken up by a phone call from a hunter in trouble and I was the closest help available, so I had to rush out and get used as a chew toy by a nest of vamps. I’m about to crash, but I didn’t want to go to bed without checking in with you and telling you that I love you. Goodnight, Gabe.” 

Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief, mixed with worry and exasperation. It’s not like Sam couldn’t have called him for help. Then he realized that of course Sam wouldn’t have called him. Not after that comment he made about just wanting him to have his grace so Gabriel could bail him out of trouble. He wanted to kick himself for that one now. To think that Sam would rather risk death than risk Gabriel thinking he was only wanted because he was useful. 

Gabriel immediately flew into Sam’s room and since the hunter seemed to be asleep, Gabriel reached out a hand to his forehead to heal him, only to find his wrist trapped in Sam’s hand as Sam’s eyes flew open. Sam let out a heavy breath and let him go. “Geez, Gabe. You scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry. Thought you were asleep,” Gabriel chuckled. 

“Almost was,” Sam told him as Gabriel reached out to heal him. “You don’t have to do that you know? That’s not why I told you about it.”

Gabriel indulged himself enough to let his fingers ghost down the hunter’s cheek as he pulled his hand away. “I know,” he whispered. “Goodnight, Sam.” He was gone as fast as he was there. 

Sam smiled brightly as he closed his eyes again, trying to remember the feel of Gabriel’s touch as he drifted off to sleep the sleep of the dead. The only thought racing through his mind as he fell asleep had nothing to do with the horrors of the day, but was simply the idea that Gabriel cared. 

The next morning, Sam again invited Gabriel for breakfast, and had a little more hope that he would actually show, but wasn’t completely surprised when he didn’t. It was only a few hours later though before all hell broke loose as the bunker alarms went haywire. 

Sam went barreling out of the library, grabbing his gun and the demon knife on the way, only to stop short at the sight of Lilith standing there, holding an archangel blade and he sucked in a sharp breath. “How did you get in here?” he asked trying to buy time to figure out a plan. He knew that archangel blade would kill anything, and his demon knife wouldn’t work on her, so he had nothing at the moment. 

“You don’t think these paltry wards of yours could keep me out do you?” she smirked. 

“What do you want?” he asked eyes darting around, looking for anything that could be useful. 

“Revenge, of course. I had a pretty good deal going with God until you got him locked away and banished us all back to hell. Took me a while to claw my way back up, but I made it. Finally.” 

Her tirade was cut short when there was suddenly someone else standing between her and Sam. “Gabriel…” Sam breathed out. 

“Get out of here, Sam. I’ll handle this,” he told the hunter. 

“Not a fucking chance, Gabe,” Sam said firmly, stepping out from behind the archangel to stand beside him. 

“Sam, I can’t heal you or bring you back from that blade,” Gabriel said firmly. 

“And that blade can kill you too, so there is no way I’m leaving,” Sam stood his ground. 

“Aww. So cute. You want to die together. So be it,” Lilith said as she attacked. 

Gabriel materialized an angel blade and tossed it to Sam as he went on the defensive, but Lilith was good. She managed to hold them both off, taking no more than minor damage herself. They had both saved each other at least a few times before Lilith finally got the upper hand. She threw Sam into the wall and as he hit the floor the archangel was distracted and she used the opportunity to go for the kill. 

“Gabe no!” Sam cried as he threw himself up and in front of her blade before it could skewer the archangel. Since he was moving to the side, it wrenched the blade out of her hands as he continued moving and Gabriel took the chance to kill her before rushing to Sam and kneeling next to him. 

Sam smiled up at Gabriel and reached a hand up to the archangel’s face, interpreting the shocked look as best he could, “It’s okay, Gabe. If I had to go, I’m glad it was saving you.” 

Gabriel didn’t even have words as he pulled the blade from Sam’s chest and put his hands over the wound. “You’re not gonna die, Sammy,” he said firmly. 

Sam let out a gurgling chuckle. “You can’t heal this one, Gabriel. Just remember…I love you…always.” Sam closed his eyes, letting Gabriel be the last thing he saw. “It doesn’t even hurt anymore,” he remarked out loud. 

At that, Gabriel couldn’t help but chuckle. “Open your eyes doofus,” he said. 

Sam did so, confused, only to look down and see that the wound was healed. “How? I thought you couldn’t heal an archangel blade?” He looked around. “Where’s Lilith?” 

Gabriel looked a little sheepish. “It wasn’t a real archangel blade, and Lilith was never really here.” 

“It was a test,” it dawned on Sam. 

“It was never supposed to go this way you know. She was supposed to kill me and then you were supposed to try and track me down again,” Gabriel told him. “You mad?” he asked worriedly. 

Sam let his head fall back to the floor as he laughed. “No, Gabe. I’m not mad. I get it. Does this mean I passed?”

Gabriel laughed, partly from relief, and leaned down to kiss Sam gently, with promise, but there was one thing he needed to say before completely giving in. “You do know that I never meant you had to stand beside me in every fight right? I mean I usually just use illusions to fight anyway.”

Sam grinned. “I know. But I figure you can send me away just as easily as I can walk away if that’s really what you want, so I’m never walking away again.”

Gabriel shook his head at the hunter’s logic, but he couldn’t exactly refute it. Not now that he was back to full power anyway. It wouldn’t have helped when he was running on empty, but now…Sam was kinda right. “Fair enough,” Gabriel said leaning down to kiss Sam again, making a noise of surprise when grabbed him, causing him to lose his balance and fall on top of the hunter as he deepened the kiss. When they broke for air, Gabriel grinned and leaned over to whisper in the hunter’s ear. “What say I give you a little tutorial on the details you missed in your little fantasy the other day, hmm?” 

Sam moaned at the thought, “Fuck, yes.” 

Gabriel immediately flew them to the bed and started unbuttoning Sam’s shirt in the same motion. It took Sam a second to catch up to the change in location, but he crashed his lips back into Gabriel’s as soon as he did and wasted no time in returning the favor. He couldn’t wait to see what the archangel’s body really looked like. Not that he would really get the chance for a while, as it wasn’t until they were laying in bed catching their breath before he could explore. 

Sam rolled to his side, covered in sweat and took in the vision of the naked archangel next to him as he reached out a hand to trail over the gorgeous tan skin. “So beautiful,” he whispered reverently. “I-I love you, Gabe.” He stumbled a bit over the words that he was saying for the first time to Gabriel’s face. 

Gabriel looked at him with a happy smile. “I love you too, Samshine. I always have.” 

Sam leaned over to kiss him again, soft and tender. He understood now more than ever. That’s why it had hurt Gabriel so much. He decided the best thing to do would be to lighten the moment though. “You mean I could have had this for the last twenty years if I had pulled my head out of my ass sooner?” 

Gabriel laughed and lifted his head for a quick kiss. “I would have made you fight for me then too, Sammykins,” he teased. 

“And you’re always worth fighting for, Gabe,” Sam said cuddling up to the archangel’s side contentedly.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam and Gabriel spent the next few days wrapped up in each other. Well, other than when Sam had to field calls from hunters that is. It wasn’t really a job that had any off days. Thankfully there weren’t usually more than one or two calls a day, so that left plenty of time for them. Once the high of finally having Sam started to wear off, Gabriel started thinking about things a little more. He knew how happy Sam was with him. That was easy to see, but there was still something missing from Sam’s life and Gabriel knew what it was, and decided to find a way to fix it. 

It was about a week after the test that got them together when Gabriel told Sam over breakfast, “I’m gonna head out for a while today. Get some things done.”

Sam ignored the worry that welled up in him. It was ridiculous. Gabriel didn’t need to be tied to him twenty-four seven. It was just that this was the first time he had left him since he got him. He would get used to it. “Okay. You need any help with anything?” 

Gabriel smiled. He could almost see the thoughts playing across the hunter’s face. As much as he loved Sam though, he had no intention of spending every second with him all the time. He needed to keep his own life too, and he was glad Sam realized that. “Nah. I’m all good. I should be back by dinner if not before.” 

Sam nodded and leaned over for a kiss before Gabriel left. Gabriel flew back to his island for this conversation and called for Amara. “What is it Gabriel?” she asked gently but hurriedly. 

“Sorry, I know you’re busy, but I was wondering what I could do to get Deano and Cassie a few days off every now and then to come visit with Sam,” he got straight to the point. 

Amara sighed. “We are so short-handed in heaven that it’s hard to even keep ahead of the daily issues, much less make much progress on fixing anything. Making new angels is slow and time-consuming which just puts us further and further behind. I’m not against the idea, I just don’t see how we could make it work.” 

Gabriel thought for a moment. “What if I were to come help out, say…three days a month? And then Dean and Cassie could get the next three days off to spend with Sam?” 

Amara considered the matter for a moment. An archangel could easily get done as much as any ten seraphs, so it would definitely help. “I could accept that.”

“But one caveat. I will work in secret. No one, other than you, Dean, and Cassie, can even know I’m alive,” Gabriel added. 

Amara nodded. “Deal. When would you like to start?” 

“Tomorrow? I’ll do my three days and then take the kiddies down with me to spend the weekend and they can come back on Monday.”

Amara nodded. “Come straight to my office. I’ll make sure it’s empty and I’ll give you your assignments,” she said as she disappeared. 

Gabriel grinned before it dimmed slightly. Now he had to explain to Sam why he needed to be gone for three days. It was a given that he was going to surprise him. At least this errand hadn’t taken very long so he could get right back. 

Gabriel flew straight to Sam’s lap as he was in the library causing Sam to drop his book in surprise. “That was quick,” the hunter remarked with a chuckle. 

“Yep. I thought it probably would be, but you never know. Thing is though, I’m gonna have to leave in the morning for a few days,” Gabriel told him. 

“How many days?” Sam asked worriedly. 

“Three,” Gabriel told him.

“And I can’t come with you?” 

“Not this time, Samshine.” He wouldn’t be able to take Sam into heaven until or unless they bonded. 

“But…you’ll come back?” 

“Always,” Gabriel assured him with a kiss. 

“Then okay. I’ll miss you,” Sam said hesitantly, not sure if he was being too clingy or not. 

Gabriel just snuggled against him. “I’ll miss you too, Sammy.” He understood where Sam was coming from. He knew he had a habit of disappearing in the past, but things were different now. He had everything he wanted right here. 

When Gabriel arrived in Amara’s office the next morning, he realized how much she had understated the amount of work there was. He didn’t even bother to sit waiting for his instructions. Not that there was anywhere to sit anyway. 

Amara looked up in relief when she felt Gabriel’s presence. She had spent some time since they talked considering what he could do that would be most helpful, and decided that making more angels could be his focus. Granted it would be a bit slower than she could, but the amount of work she could get done in the meantime would help. It was a delicate balancing act that she was happy to be able to get someone else to do. “If you could, please start making new angels for me. As many as you can manage would be helpful.” 

“From scratch or from humans?” Gabriel asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“I’ve already found all of the humans that are suitable, so we’re stuck from scratch now. I’ve had Michael making a few here and there when he can spare the time, but he’s already training everyone we have, running the military arm, and helping with the administrative work, none of which you can do in secret.”

Gabriel nodded. That made sense. And now that his grace was intact and at full strength again, he would easily be able to make cherubs and seraphs. “Okie dokie,” he said with a cheerful salute before heading off to get to work. There was only one place in heaven that new angels could be created from and no one ever went there for any other purpose so it would be empty now. 

Three days later he was exhausted, but he had managed to create eight seraphs and four cherubs, so he headed back to Amara’s office to report in. She called for Dean and Cas to meet her there and told them they had the weekend off. 

“Gabriel?” Dean asked confused. “You’re an archangel again? And back in heaven?” 

Amara ignored the conversation that she knew was necessary and went back to her paperwork. “Not really back, per se. I made a deal with Amara that I would work three days a month to allow you two to come down for three days and spend the weekend with Sam.”

Dean grimaced at that. “Sam doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore, Gabriel,” he said sadly. 

Gabriel just rolled his eyes. “You can’t really be that dumb. He pushed you away so he could get my grace back and you could be happy up here with Cassie.”

“Well why wouldn’t he just tell me that then?” Dean asked confused again. 

Gabriel shrugged. “You’ll have to ask him that. You ready?” When they nodded, Gabriel flew them all to the bunker just as Sam was sitting down to breakfast. 

Sam dropped his fork when he saw who was there and his eyes widened. “What…how…”

“Gabriel took a few days work to free us up to visit,” Dean said quickly. “He told me why you sent me away, but why didn’t you just tell me what you needed me to do?” 

Sam looked away and shrugged. “Because I didn’t want to tell you that I was in love with Gabriel,” he admitted. 

It was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. “Oh come on. It was you who so rudely pointed out that we have spent pretty much every minute together for your whole life. You can’t keep secrets from me for that long. I knew since TV land.” 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Sam asked gob smacked. 

“Why didn’t you?” Dean turned it around on him. 

“Because…well…he…and you…” Sam stammered, making Dean and Gabriel burst out laughing, and even Cas cracked a smile. 

That seemed to be the cue for everyone to sit down and eat and Gabriel snapped his fingers increasing the food and adding a few additional items since Sam had only made enough for himself. “So…how long are you here for?” Sam asked Dean and Cas who looked to Gabriel for the answer. 

“They have to be back first thing Monday morning, and this will be a once a month thing,” Gabriel told them all.

“I thought you didn’t want to go back to heaven,” Sam asked Gabriel. 

“I don’t, but I’m not really back. I just pick up a bit of the legwork in secret so these two can get some time off,” Gabriel told him. 

Sam leaned over and kissed him, only barely keeping it PG given the audience. “Thank you, Gabriel,” he whispered. 

“Anything for you, Samshine,” Gabriel replied, kissing the tip of the hunter’s nose. “Now eat up.”


End file.
